11/3/2007

Marhaba Everyone (it was time for a new Arabic greeting, so there you go)!

Well, it has been a rather eventful couple of days. I made friends Rasha, the Egyptian librarian at the school, and she asked me to help her and her husband study for the IELTS, which is an English exam you have to take if you want to immigrate to New Zealand. I told her I really didn't want her to pay me, but her husband insisted that they pay me something, so in the end we agreed on them paying me a very small amount (in comparison to what the rich family pays me to tutor their kids). So last week I stayed after school every day and worked with them for about two hours per day, then they would bring me home. On Wednesday (remember, Wednesday is the last day of the work week here because the weekend is Thursday and Friday, a change I still haven't gotten used to) they offered to take me out to dinner, partially because none of us wanted to stay at the school for a minute longer than we had to! They took me to an Arabic restaurant and, after I told them what I wanted, insisted on ordering that and then about three other things for me. Typical Arab move.

During dinner, they told me about Islam and how women have so many more rights in Islam than in other religions/cultures. For instance, when a couple divorces, the man must provide the woman with a house and pay her monthly; also, a husband must share the money he makes with his wife, but if she works and makes money or has money from her family, it is up to her whether she shares that with the family or keeps it for herself. I'm always interested in learning about religions, and I'm used to the slightly propaganda-ish angle that people explain Islam here, so I simply smile and nod and respond appropriately.

After dinner they took me to a park near their house because in Riyadh there is a park/garden provided for every neighborhood where only "families" can go (that means no single men allowed). We sat down on a blanket on the ground and worked on their English for about an hour, then talked for another two hours, during which time Rasha's husband brought up how if they didn't pass the IELTS they would have to find another way to get a visa to a western country, then began talking about his friend who married an American woman so he could get a visa. The "hints" he was dropping, if you can call them hints, were unmistakable, but I acted as if I didn't get what he was hinting at and simply said that it's a lot more difficult than that to get a visa. I was astonished he would have the nerve to bring all this up in front of his wife and baby! Rasha sat quietly, only commenting later to say, "You can marry Lorna." (Lorna is this sweet British lady we work with who is probably close to 70 years old)

Then Rasha's husband had to go to the bathroom, so he left to go to their house and said he'd be back in a few minutes. As we had been sitting on the ground for about three hours, Rasha and I decided it was time to get up and move a little. So Rasha, her adorable baby Dana, and I strolled around the small park, then sat down at a park bench where the entrance to the park was in clear view so we'd see when her husband came back. First some Saudi women asked about my abaaya (in Arabic?Rasha translated), then seemed quite surprised that Rasha and I were friends (what?! you can be friends with someone who comes from a different culture and has a different religion?!) and told Rasha to tell me they'd be praying for me. I asked Rasha if that meant they'd be praying for me to convert. But anyway, I said "Shoekran" (thank you) for their kind words and good intentions.

Then a Saudi girl who I later found out was 14 came up to me and said in very slow, proper English, "HELLO. WHAT...IS...YOUR...NAME?" She was clearly quite excited to get to use a subject from school that had never before had a real-life application! I told her my name, and she asked where I was from in the typical Saudi fashion: "London or America?" (Those being the only two places where English is spoken...wonder how British people who aren't from London feel about that one? Not to mention Australians, New Zealanders...) I told her America, and she got very excited. She giggled and said something in Arabic to her friends who were clustered around her, and then turned back to me and gave me a painstaking "THANK YOU" and walked away.

Before I could finish the thought "Well, isn't that cute" she was back and said "Coffee?" and made a drinking motion. Rasha told me "She wants to know if you want some Arabic coffee. You don't have to." I told the girl sure, I'd have some Arabic coffee because it seems rude to turn it down, so the girl rushed off and returned with Arabic coffee and two little cups for me and Rasha. As I was sipping the coffee, she asked for my mobile number. Rasha hissed, "Don't give it to her!" So I told the girl I didn't have a mobile because I had only been here for 2 months.

Then two women approached with dates (in Saudi Arabia, it is dangerously close to sacrilege to consume coffee without dates). Before I knew it, Rasha, Dana, and I were completely surrounded by Saudi women and children! One child came up, touched my arm, than ran away. To make sure that a light-skinned American woman in an abaaya and hejab isn't a mirage, no doubt! The women were chattering in Arabic, and the only word I made out was "mashallah" over and over, which is the word you say after complimenting someone or after someone says something good. It is to prevent any envy or evil wishes, etc. After curtly responding to the women, Rasha turned to me and said, "They said you are so beautiful that you need to wear a niqab because otherwise Saudi men see you and get excited. They're jealous. They said you would look really beautiful in a niqab because of your blue eyes. I told them they can't make you wear a niqab; you could go to the Embassy and tell them that these women made you wear a niqab..." but her warnings apparently fell on deaf ears because before she had finished explaining, a woman was running up with a spare niqab (where did it come from? do the women keep a spare with them like we keep a spare tire??) and handed it to me.

By this time, Rasha had been trying over and over to call her husband's cell phone because if he came over, the women would scatter and we could leave before they tried to dye my hair black or something. "Where is he? Why isn't he answering?!" Rasha muttered, and then reminded me again, "You don't have to do this," but I told her, it's ok, I'll put on the niqab, no big deal. It's not worth getting these women all upset over that, and I realize that I'm representing all Americans to these women, so if they like me, they'll decide Americans are good people; on the flip side, if I act haughty and refuse to don the niqab, well...so I see it as doing a service to my country. That and, well, we were very outnumbered! The women first showed me how to properly wrap my hejab over my head; you're actually supposed to wrap the scarf over your head a couple times, which I don't do because it's too hot. But, pretending all this information was new to me, and not about to mention that I have 2 niqabs at home and don't wear them because I have this thing, I like to breathe fresh air rather than the air I just exhaled, I mimicked their movements and wrapped the scarf, then tucking it in on both sides of my face (incredibly unflattering for the face, by the way).

As Rasha continued calling her husband's mobile with no answer, I put the niqab on, squinting before I even had it on my face because of the way it squishes your eyes. The women were beyond exuberance at this point, which is a rather sad statement about how exciting and interesting their lives must be! As a finishing touch, one of the women took the end of my scarf and put it over my head yet another time (wouldn't want to let any heat escape my head in this cold country!) so that the end hung down and almost covered my eyes. Amidst the excited jumping, giggling, and clapping, a couple girls pulled out their camera phones to take a picture. Rasha immediately put up her hand and covered their phones, told them no pictures. Wow! Will I ever be in another situation where "No pictures, please" will be an appropriate thing to say?

Rasha was out of patience, and I was quite overwhelmed and figured we'd better leave before we find out what these women's next great idea would be for me, so we told the girls we had to leave. As we were walking away, we saw Rasha's husband. We both waved, and he didn't respond. "Maybe he didn't see us," I said, perplexed because he was only about 15 feet away and facing us. "No. He saw us. He's angry." She said quietly. He made no move toward us, so we walked over to him, and the two of them argued in Arabic (you don't have to speak a language to know when people are arguing in it!). After a few minutes of arguing, Rasha quietly said to me, "Let's go," and we walked out of the park. I figured her husband was behind us, following sulkily, but after we got outside of the park and looked back, we saw that he had not followed. Then a police car pulled up and a policeman said, "What's going on? Somebody called the police." Now, I don't know why the police were called, and if it had anything to do with the gaggle of abaayed-up overzealous Saudi women who had created quite a stir, but what I do know for certain that I will not be visiting that park ever again!

As Rasha and I waited, she explained, "He forgot his cell phone at the house. That's why he didn't answer. And now he's angry at me. That's how it is with our men: everything is our fault. See," she added with a bitter irony, " These are the rights of the Muslim woman. We have the right to be always wrong." She apologized to me over and over again, and I assured her she didn't need to apologize to me; I could just call the driver I use and have him pick me up, but I wasn't about to leave Rasha and her sleeping baby standing there alone. I also took the chance to tell her that her husband's great plans to marry a woman to get a visa wouldn't work anyway because polygamy is illegal in America. She said, "I know. I told him that. He said he'd tell them I'm just his sister." What?!?!?! She also brought up where Islam stands on men hitting women, and I'm really hoping that she wasn't trying to tell me what I think she was trying to tell me?that he hits her.

At one point she said to me, "So what are you thinking?" And I replied, "I'm thinking I'm glad I don't have an Arab husband!" We stood out there for a good half hour?mind you, it was about 10:30 pm by this time?and she said she was going to go back in and talk to him. A few minutes later, she came back out and told me she said that it wasn't fair for him to punish me for what she did, so he should come give me a ride home. He acquiesced and pulled up with the car a few minutes later.

No words were spoken as we got in the car, or even during the ride to my apartment, which was about twenty minutes away. That happened Wednesday, and today (Friday) I got a text message from Rasha stating that things were still bad with her husband, although she thought the issue would be quickly resolved. So everyone, please pray for Rasha. She is such a sweet, intelligent woman, and she is bound to this sorry excuse for a husband who doesn't seem to realize how incredibly lucky he is. Nuff said.

Ma Salaama (Arabic goodbye, literally means "with peace"),

Lizz