8/22/2007
Hello Loved Ones,
Today was a bad day. My hands are shaking so badly it's hard to type. I think because I'm dehydrated. I got about 2 hours of sleep last night, so at 7:45 this morning, when the driver was going to pick me up to take me to the school, I just went down and told him I wasn't going to go. "Mr. David," the Director of the Men's Division, was in the shuttle with the driver, and he greeted me and told me if I needed anything to call him. I told him I don't have a phone. He told me there were some shops about a ten minute walk from where I live, and there was a shop called "Mobiley" (is it really called that, or did he just call it that cuz he's British and he talks funny?) where I could get a cell phone. He pointed and said it was "that way" and it would be on the left.
It seemed straightforward enough. Because being here alone and having no way to contact people if there's an emergency (except via email, which is not the best way to contact people in an emergency--imagine sitting down to write an email while your house is burning down: "To Whom It May Concern: My house is currently on fire. While the flames have enveloped the bedrooms, I believe the kitchen can be saved. Please send someone at your earliest convenience to put out the flames. Sincerely, Almost Dead."), I decided to venture out of my apartment today in search of "Mobiley." I waited until a little after 4 pm so it was a bit cooler. I put on shorts and a sleeveless shirt, the skimpiest clothes I brought, and then my abaaya and veil. I walked in the general direction that "Mr. David" pointed for what I believed to be ten minutes (I don't have a watch, so hard to be sure), but saw no sign of Mobiley.
Thing is, all the buildings here look pretty much the same: they're the color of sand and surrounded by walls that are at least 8 feet high. I picked out landmarks for myself so I wouldn't get lost on the way home: "Turn right at the two yellow garbage cans and the speed limit sign." It seemed like good landmarks to me, but turns out there are lots of yellow garbage cans near speed limit signs. Anyway, so I figured I wasn't going to find the shops, so I turned around and headed home. But everything looked the same. My landmarks were everywhere--to the right, to the left, straight ahead...I had no idea where to go. I didn't panic because, well, I'm not quick to panic. I figured I'd wander for a few blocks then find it. No biggie.
In my wandering, I saw two women who were not wearing abaayas, and they said "Hello," so I asked them if they knew where E212 is. That's all I know about where I live. It's E212. The street signs are all in Arabic, so I don't know what street I'm on or anything like that. Anyway, they didn't know where it was, but they told me that in the DQ I don't have to wear my abaaya as long as I have a shirt with sleeves and capris/pants/skirt one. Good to know, seeing as I was wearing a sleeveless shirt and shorts. But I did take my veil off because I was sweating so much that I needed to do something. Anyway, I said, "Well, I'm sure I'll find it soon. The DQ isn't that big," and they laughed. NOT the response I was looking for. One woman said, "Well, the area on THIS side of the park isn't that big. You're sure you're on this side of the park, right?" There's a park??? "Uh, yeah," I said, realizing that they had no desire to help me further.
They left and I continued wandering. I felt the worrying creeping in, but I told myself, hey, as long as I find my house before it gets dark, no problem. I figured this was a good attitude because, since I left a little after 4, there was no chance I'd still be looking after dark. Oh yeah, the other thing the women told me was that the numbers don't go in order because I mentioned that I must be close since we were at E387. Great. They asked if I worked for the embassy, because if I did I could just call so-and-so. I told them I didn't work for the embassy but didn't reveal what's bothering me so much: regardless of who I work for and who I could call, I don't have a phone. I found myself walking in huge circles, coming back over and over again to the E380s...I started feeling dizzy, and I fought the panicky knowledge that I won't last long in the heat before I pass out. To ease my mind, I reasoned that if I did pass out, surely then someone would stop and help me, because as it was, people drove and walked past me and reacted in one of two ways:
Eventually I found myself at a security checkpoint or something, and asked a guard who was sitting picking his nose if he knew where E212 is. Maybe he did, but he didn't speak English. I was on my own. I wandered and wandered...my throat felt so dry, the way your throat feels in the morning when you've been breathing through your mouth all night...I saw some cats and tried to say "Hi" to them but all that came out was this raspy croak. I kept thinking about water and refusing to let myself cry or sit down. I knew if I sat down I wouldn't want to get back up. The sun was starting to set, but I was in no mood to enjoy a sunset; in fact, the sunset was the last thing I wanted to see. I wanted so badly to take off the abaaya because I was so hot and trudging along, my legs feeling heavier and heavier, and I kept tripping over...the weight of my own legs I guess. I almost wanted to pass out. It seemed like an easier way to get help or get home. I heard the call to prayer, which ironically repeats "alhamdalillah" (Thanks be to God) many times. I was not feeling thankful. I kept wandering, kept finding myself at the same spots--the military camouflaged hummer, the E380s, the only building with a red roof, the place where I turned around and headed home when I figured I wouldn't find the Mobiley.
To make a long story short, I did finally find home, but by that time I was crying heavily, extremely dizzy and dehydrated. It was close to 7:30 pm, so I had been walking for 3 hours, and almost that entire 3 hours was spent trying to find my home, because I'm pretty sure I didn't spend more than ten minutes trying to find the shop. I'd like you to know that after it got dark and I found myself at a dead end (there's a lot of those--the road ends in a huge stone wall and once it was dark I couldn't tell that until I got to the wall), I did sit on a rock and cry and wipe the sweat off my face and neck with my abaaya (finally! something it's good for!), and as I suspected, I didn't want to get back up off the rock. My legs felt so weak. I felt so weak. But Mom gave me a rock that says Strength on it, and I've kept it in my purse so it's always with me to remind me, and I took it out and held it in both hands and thought of you all--I thought of Dad, his head bowed in prayer, praying for me. I thought of mom, driving to school and sending a silent prayer up for me. I thought of David's Grandmother, whom I love even though we don't speak the same language, and I imagined her in her quaint home filled with cute knick knacks and pictures of her grandchildren, praying fervently for me, a woman she's never met but whom she loves. I stood back up and walked out of the dead end. I couldn't stop crying, but I wasn't just going to curl up on a rock and give up. Nobody was going to help me.
Much Love,
Lizz